It occurred to me last night, as I was reading some unfortunate posts by one of my kids that I'm finally entering the part of my life where I can concentrate on ME for once. I did this once before to a lesser degree a few years ago, and ended up in a relationship that never should have happened (and in the process, caused some pain to my four kids during that brief and poorly chosen union). Now after a period of reset, some searching for that special someone complete and a shift from over 12 years in a negative working environment, I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman that I care for deeply, am in a job that is full of positive-thinking co-workers AND management, and can spend each day just about stress-free. This is a very new concept for me to deal with!
The only things left stress-wise are related to the long dead relationship with my ex-wife and her father (and their influence that is misleading my children to various degrees). But I have faith in my children and their ability to make wise decisions as they enter the early years of adulthood (especially as they are now armed with a wide range of information that was never made available by me until this very week). In some cases it may take months.. possibly years.. but they know that my love and attitude towards them is consistent and lifelong. :-*
Jaime and I continue to discuss what we want to do, while Chris gets ready to spend a month in California with his brother Anthony who will be visiting from his Army Base in Germany. Amanda is headed towards marriage in September to her sweetheart Marcus, and Daniella is (apparently) doing well with her work (she is not currently talking to me unless she needs something, but again.. faith..). Jaime's daughter is finishing up high school (while her son is in college and doing the young adult thing as well). We've watched six awesome kids grow from babies to where they are now, and I think I can speak for us both to say we're excited more than anything else about all of their long-term prospects.
It amazed me yesterday to realize: "I can think about ME now" which I shared aloud with Amanda as I was dealing with some of the last vestiges of the previously mentioned ex. Being able to actually consider MY wants and MY future once again without (much) worry for The Mighty Four is unprescedented. They are surely still ever present in my mind's eye, but I have music, art and other hobbies to spend more time on, plus trips and lifestyle changes already being discussed with my fiance to consider and implement. My mother is apparently headed toward remarriage (dad died back in 2009) with Merle, and hopefully has found happiness there. So it truly is... time for Tony to think about Tony. And Jaime. :-*
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