Family Tree

What the hell is it about males, their bloodlines and allowing stupidity to split up a family??

At this moment, I cannot think of a single healthy relationship involving adult males inside of my family's recent 50-year history other than that of my father and I.

My mother's father was (reportedly) a drunk and generally a "bad husband and father" and left his family.

My dad and his brother have had no relationship for at least 15-20 years. My uncle Joe is now on his literal death bed, and if his wife is to be believed, does not wish to have anything to do with his brother... or me, the kid he last saw at the age of approximately 10 or so. So he's going to die in the next 3-4 months apparently and I do not get to see him. His daughter met me once a few years ago (she was working) and she has refused contact with me (multiple phone calls to the phone number she gave me, which ended up being her parent's house).

Interestingly, the tiny bit I know of my dad's father, who died when dad was still in high school, makes him SOUND like he was all about FAMILY.

I have vague information even about my ex-wife's family, plus first-hand experience with her paternal grandmother and her racist, hateful views. This came out while we visited her with our firstborn daughter and many sickening comments came out of her mouth (we actually left her home in the middle of the night on the first day visiting and stayed in one of Jamie's friends mobile homes for the rest of that trip). Information I gleaned on this later made it seem like she obtained this attitude partly (or more?) from her then-deceased husband. "Old world attitudes" was what one member of that family told me. Inability to evolve is what I call it.

What is it?! Why are men so freaking STUPID? I have sought, off and on, to reunite the Malena Family (at my father's level, since there are two branches, his and his brother's) since I got married, and now I find that I'm refused access... so far as I can tell, by my "Aunt" Loretta.

I know that my father and uncle have had their falling out. If they choose not to fix it, that's between them. But now I actually have my uncle in "sight", and the only way I can go visit him is to DEFY his wife. Maybe he really doesn't want to see me and my children. Maybe she's just being overprotective. My head tells me that she is not to be a factor in this (if he dies and I COULD have gotten to know him again, do I hold it against her?). And about about my cousins, Latisha and Joseph Malena? Do we never become family, friends, whatever, because of the stupidity of our parents??

I absolutely hate this situation. I already have a strained "relationship" with my oldest daughter. I always wanted to have a big, united family where you would find cousins, uncles and the like coming and going freely, but that's denied me... and my kids. :-(