Young Adults (aka Children)

Having four children has taught me alot... especially that, no matter how much I learn, I will never learn "enough" to do the job anywhere near perfectly.

On a good day, I have three of them "happy".   On a bad day.. well..

I've decided to set my foot down about the whole "social netorking" scene.   For those not well versed in such matters, that means I will be restricting (perhaps blocking, long term) access to such sites as MySpace and LiveJournal (and a variety of others which they may know about already).

Back when I found it necessary to track a former family member's movements on the home computers, it was very enlightening (and eventually brought about the end of a very long, very poorly ended relationship).   Now, I find myself setting up plans to do the same thing with my children.   I've teetered back and forth on this issue for what seems like years, and I've finally decided that part of parenting is not just trusting and allowing kids space, but also CHECKING UP on them and HOLDING THEM ACCOUNTABLE (or educating them, depending on the circumstance).

I'm a computer geek, born and raised and lived these 37 years.   I'm one of (I consider) very few who truly understand the workings of what's currently known as "the Internet", and I find every single day that my kids really have VERY little clue about things.   They're wise (to a degree) and have a great deal of intelligence, but they have very little EXPERIENCE (something life brings).   Even in day-to-day life it surprises me what I assume my kids' know, only to find out they have no clue (from simple things like what certain words mean, to the complexities of a relationship where there is a love for someone that a person should never be near ever again).   I try to be the thoughtful father and educate them on the things that will get them through life, but being alone and taking care of all four of them gets to be overwhelming.   They only see a dad who is grumpy a lot of the time, who seems to fly off the handle about the "small things", and who they solely rely upon for their well-being.

A friend of mine says I just need to "get laid".   Another says I need to stay busy... and to both, I agree to some extent.   However, I am not partial to casual sex, or even encounters with someone other than a lifelong partner.   I stay busy as much as I can, though most of it is high-school related (i.e., involves my children) so the things I keep busy with keep my in close proximity to the kids constantly.   I don't know how to alleviate this.   I'd love to wake up next to a special woman in the morning;   I'd like to get back into some of my old hobbies more seriously;   I'd love to see my kids BUSY with things, but they, too, find themselves stuck "with me" most of the time.
My oldest daughter should be driving errands for the family by now, but is not.   Why?   From my perspective, she doesn't want to earn money, therefore earning the right to drive.   From hers, she probably thinks at various times of the week that I either hate her or that I don't care to see her drive.

My second daughter should be doing a lot more with her ambitions and drive, but is not.   Why?   I fear it is family issues pulling her down, plus a sweet-n-sour relationship with her sister, who I know she happens to love very much (but her sister is very hard to show love to sometimes).

My boys both should be ten times more active than they are.   Why aren't they?   I am constantly battling them over the "small things" such as how to complete a task (chore or otherwise), and to be responsible for things that are under their care (animals, property, etc).   So, I end up giving them grief, restricting their freetime, taking away privilidges, and generally making their life post-divorce that much more unpleasant.

And me?   I just exist most of the time.   My job is a good diversion (and keeps me valuable there), but outside my job, I only really have high-school related activities.   I keep telling myself that's more than enough to keep me busy, but then when I have to deal with diverse parents of other children, a few of which I *really* can't appreciate much, it becomes hard.. and my pre-marriage, quiet, seemingly aloof self comes out.   I frequently have daydreams of stepping up and giving a few "adults" a piece or seven of my mind, especially in regards to the ongoing "demand for respect" they have from the high-school students while they have ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT for the students themselves (this is an assanine concept).   Since doing this would make my children's lives miserable within the Music program and at High School in general, I don't do it.   I try to educate my kids about people who demand respect and give none -- as if they are God's gift to whatever they are participating in and that "we" are lucky to have "them" around.   What a crock.   I sometimes think that having self-esteem is a BAD idea, depending on who you are.

Frankly, none of this really matters, because it will be read by my kids, it will be read by two or three friends, and possibly a member of the aforementioned "adult group", and no one will care.

So the hell with all of it.